Chances (Chapter Seven)

VII.  Sacrifices

It was a stifling Monday afternoon, James got off a car and instructed the chauffeur to wait for him. He slowly walked towards the restaurant where he and Allie are supposed to meet. Will she come, James wondered.  When he got into the restaurant, he saw a familiar silhouette sitting near the window. He walked nervously towards the girl and saw that it was indeed Allie.

James sat in front of Allie and smiled at her. She’s the girl that I know, said James to himself. 

Allie smiled and asked, “How are you?”

James chuckled and showed the gash in his head. “I guess I’m fine.”

“Let’s eat first before we talk,” Allie suggested and started to look at the menu.

She hasn’t changed a bit, James thought.  Well, based on what I can remember.  Once the order arrived, they started to eat but nobody started to talk yet.  Finally James decided to break the silence.

“I have retrograde amnesia,” James started.  “There are things that I don’t remember.  But there are things and people, like you, that I could remember.”

Allie stopped eating and looked at James. “Is this the reason why you wanted to talk to me? You want to know about the things you can’t remember?”

“Yes and no,” James answered. “There are things that I hope you could explain. Like, why did I broke the engagement off. I don’t remember why I called the wedding off.  And I really want to see you”

Allie was surprised with what James said. “You mean you have no idea what happened with the wedding?”

James shook his head. Allie gave a nervous laugh, “Well, don’t talk to me about it. Talk to your girlfriend.  She knows.”

James went quiet and looked outside the window. “But I don’t know her. I know you.”

Allie was caught off guard. She promised herself she would be on guard and would not let her defenses down. But he said he remembered me, not her. But me, Allie thought.

“Allie, you have to help me,” said James.  “My memory is telling me that it is you I’m supposed to be with. Not Devon.”

Allie placed her fork down and looked at James. “You’re just confused. Why don’t you just talk to Devon and get it over with.”

James placed his hand firmly on the table. “I need you,” James said and held Allie’s hand.

****

Devon was restlessly pacing in her cubicle. James and Allie are probably tucked in a quiet restaurant and talking. What they are talking is what making her nerves unsettled.  Devon trusts James, with all of her life. But the current James is making her worried.  She tried calling him, but all he got was a voicemail. He probably turned his phone off or left it at home.

After work, she immediately jumped into a taxi and asked her to bring to James’s house. In the middle of the ride, she decided against it.  James would not like it, Devon thought. He would think that I don’t respect his privacy, so she asked the driver to turn around and bring her home instead.

Freya and Yen were already home when she arrived. They immediately sensed that there is something wrong with Devon.

“Is something wrong,” asked Yen.

Devon flopped on the chair and looked at her phone.  She told her friend about James and Allie’s date. 

Freya shook her head in disbelief, “So what are your plans?”

Devon shook her head.  “I don’t know.  The last time I tried  help him remember, remember the sinigang? He thought of Allie.”

Freya and Yen looked at Devon. “Are you just letting things go their way?”

“What if they get back together?” Yen asked.

Devon looked at her friend and she stood up. “I have to do something,” Devon said to herself.

She took the phone receiver and dialled James’s home. She was not expecting him to be there and she was completely surprised when he heard him answer the phone.

“Hi,” greeted Devon. She heard James sighed, it is as if he is waiting for another caller, not me.

“How was your afternoon meeting with Allie went,” asked Devon.

James took a while to answer. He does not feel like talking. “It was alright. We did a little bit of catching up.”

“Are you planning to meet again?” asked Devon.

“You know what, Devon,” James started.  “Let’s just keep our options open. With this memory problem happening, I cannot commit to anything right now.”

Devon was speechless.  Is he trying to end what we have, Devon thought.

“Devon, I know this is hard,” James slowly said. “But I don’t think I can marry you this way.”

Devon closed her eyes. Why does he has to sound so cold? So casual? How could he throw everything away so easily?  I have to do something, thought Devon.

“Could you take a trip with me?” Devon asked.

James went silent on the other end of the line. It took a few seconds before he asked, “What trip?”

“I need to bring you somewhere, perhaps you will remember things clearer,” suggested Devon. Please, asked Devon silently to all the angels who are probably to busy to hear her, please, let him come with me.

“Just one or two days,” asked Devon.

I owe her this, told James to himself. “Okay, tomorrow. We’ll go tomorrow and be back on Wednesday. I don’t want to make things difficult for us, Devon.”

“I know,” Devon said.  She was about to say something else when she heard the phone clicked.  He has already placed the phone down. I never get to tell him that I love him,  Devon sadly said to herself. Despite everything, I still love him.

Chances (Chapter Six)

VI. When  Time Flies

Nine years ago...

Seventeen year old Devon was walking the along the sidewalks of the post village where she and her tita are working.  She was hear for more than a month, but has no friends.  It looks like there are nobody with the same age as me, thought Devon. Or maybe, it was because she rarely goes out.  After school, she would help with the chores and when she’s done she will pour over her books.

The only time she goes out of the house is when she would do grocery shopping or go to the market, just like now. She does not feel bad about not going out more often, she’s very happy just to stay at home and read. She has enough friends in college and thinks that the time she spent with these friends at school is enough socialization. 

Devon just loves taking a walk in the morning. She was taking in all the crisp air, she didn’t notice that the plastic bag with the vegetables were starting to rip.  She exclaimed when a tomato hit her feet and saw the other vegetables rolling on the side street.  She quickly placed the other plastics down and started to go after the pieces of vegetables rolling in the road.

She was surprised when a pair of hands started to help her.  Devon was stunned to see a handsome teen-ager who was picking the onions.  She does not know or remember if he ever met him, but he sure was drop-dead gorgeous.  She snapped out of her reverie when the good looking creature, I think he is a Greek God, Devon thought, asked her a question.

“Is there anything else missing?”  the guy asked.

Devon looked at the vegetables sitting on the pavement and shook her head.  Snap out if Devon, it’s not the first time you saw a good looking man.  You’ve seen Piolo Pascual in a mal tour before, Devon thought about and could not help but smile.

James was about to walk away, after helping the petite girl when he saw her smile. I bet that smile could send rockets to space, he thought.  He has seen the girl before, the day he arrived from the airport more than a month ago.  He has seen her again when she was walking home, one evening. It was already dark and he saw this figure who was slowly walking down the streets.  The girl is crazy, she could’ve been robbed, thought James.

“I’m James,” James extended his hand and introduced himself. 

Devon looked at his hand and shook it. She felt as if electricity was running through her fingers. If James felt it, he didn’t show anything.  “Devon,” she said and quickly pulled her hand away.

James hid his hand behind his back, he felt burned.  The simple handshake felt so hot it could melt glaciers.  “That’s a nice name,” James said. “I had a teacher named Divine.”  James want to hit himself.  Is that the best thing you could say, James whispered to himself angrily.

Devon glanced and smiled at James. Darn, it’s that frigging smile again, James thought.

Devon was trying not to look at James. But she could feel the warmth of his stare at her back.  She was trembling when trying to fit the vegetables into another plastic bag. She sat down at the pavement, cause she feels her knees would be buckling any minute.

James decided to sit down too, and help her.  They were busy trying to figure out how to fit everything inside the plastic bags when James raised his hands as if he is surrendering.

“It won’t fit,” James said. “I’ll help you carry them home.”

“Thanks,” Devon answered. “But I could carry. Why don’t you just go and jog.”

James smiled, “Nah, the sun’s getting too hot anyway. Do you jog?”

Devon was captivated with James’ smile that it took a lot of effort to draw her gaze away from his face. “No, I just walk. I love walking during mornings.”

“I think you also love walking at night,” James volunteered.  Devon looked at him questioningly.  “Well, I saw you walking at night.  I just live a few blocks away from you. Once and it was almost ten o’clock in the evening and you we’re walking alone.  That’s dangerous.”

Devon looked at the stranger who was giving her advice and could not help laughing. James looked at the girl beside her who was laughing hard.  He did not say anything funny, but she was laughing.  And it was music to his ears. He could not help himself but laugh aloud, too.

“You have no idea how weird it is to be listening about the dangers in the streets when I’m actually talking to a stranger,” explained Devon while wiping her eyes.

“That’s really ironic,” James shook his head. “But I’m not a stranger, you know my name. That’s my house,” he pointed.  “And that’s yours.”

Devon looked at both houses, they were actually close to each other.  But Devon needs to come clean, she never denied her family background and her status in life.  “No I don’t live there. My aunt and I are working for the family who lives there.”

James looked at Devon, waiting for a punchline. But she was not joking. “You’re working, there?”

“Yes, until I finish my college degree. My family can’t afford to send me to a decent college, so when a scholarship and a chance to earn while studying came up. I just couldn’t pass it,” Devon smiled. She was looking at the houses.

James could not help but smile.  This girl is more than just smiles and laughter, she’s a tough cookie. “Wow. You made me feel guilty.”

Devon was surprised, “Why? I did no say anything.”

“Well, I don’t like to study.  I just want to stay at home, sleep and watch anime,”  James laughed.

Devon asked James what anime he liked.  A full minute later they were engrossed in a conversation about Bleach and Naruto.  They were talking about their favourite characters and episodes.  They did not notice that the pavement was getting hotter, the sun starting to crawl in the middle of the sky, and that cars are passing by them frequently. 

They sat there in the sidewalk talking as if they have known each other for the longest time. They felt the same way, they also did not notice how often James would say that “I feel that I’ve known you before.”  They also don’t notice how Devon would hit James whenever she finds something he said, was funny.  They did not notice, cause it felt like they have been doing these conversations before.

Devon heard a ringing sound and felt her pocket vibrate.  She quickly pulled out her cellphone and answered her tita’s call.

“Where are you,” Tita asked nervously.  “You’ve been gone for almost three hours.”

Devon was surprised, and assured her that she just met a friend in the village. After ending the call, she immediately stood up and looked at James.

“That was my Tita,” Devon explained, she was grabbing her packages quickly. “I have to go home. We’ve been sitting here talking for two hours already.”

James was surprised and looked at his watch. D a m n, he said. He was supposed to be somewhere an hour ago, but he completely forgot.  “I didn’t notice the time,” James said apologetically.

“No, it’s okay,” Devon smiled at him. “It was really great talking to you,” Devon offered her hand. 

James shook it, and Devon quickly let his hand go. She started to walk away quickly.  But before she ran, she turned to him and waved.  James smiled and started to walk towards his house.

****

The present…

James and Devon were sitting on the sidewalk where they talked nine years ago.  James was looking at the pavement and asked, “Is that how we became close?”

Devon shook her head, “No. We didn’t talk again after that. We just met a couple times, but you have friends with you and I have my Tita with me. So all we do is just wave at each other.”

James was looking at Devon, “You must be joking.”  James said. “We never saw each other again?”

Devon smiled.  “The family that we were working for decided to move into another house. So there was never a second time after that.”

“But how,” James asked.

“That’s for another story,” Devon shared. 

James was about to ask for the other story when his phone rang.  He answered his cellphone and heard Allie’s voice in the end of the line.

“I’ll be free on Monday afternoon.  Can we meet on that day?” Allie asked.

“Of course,” James answered.  He glanced at Devon who was trying not to pay attention.  “Where and exactly what time?”  A few minutes later, James slid the phone back into his pocket.

“Was it Allie,” Devon asked

“Yes.”  There is no point in lying to her, James thought.  “We’ll be meeting on Monday afternoon.”

James felt guilty when he saw the pain in Devon’s eyes. “Please, you have to understand that I don’t remember you. But I remember her.”

Devon held James’s hand and looked away. “I know.  Perhaps she could help you remember your past.”  She squeezed James hand before standing up.  “I’m going home now, you also need to get inside the house and rest.”

James watched the slim figure walk away.  Why does it feel that he has let something very important slip between his fingers?

Chances (Chapter Five)

V.  Longing

It was the middle of the day and James was still lying in bed and bored.  His father just left the house for some errands. His phone beeped, somebody texted him.  He grabbed the cellphone and saw a text message from Devon.

“I’m on my way. Will cook lunch for you. See you!”

James threw the cellphone and slipped out of the bed. He has to make himself decent since  his “fiancée” visiting.  He was looking for a change of clothes when he saw a stack of photo albums in his cabinet.  He took one and started to look at the pictures. They were baby pictures of him and his sister, Laura.  He grabbed another photo album and saw high school classmates in Australia.   He grabbed another album and saw pictures of Bren and Ryan. He was laughing so hard at Ryan’s pictures, he did not hear Devon coming in.

“Hi,” greeted Devon. “Having fun?”

James was smiling at Devon, “Yeah, Ryan is a crazy guy. Why does he have to wear his shorts the other way around?”

For a moment, Devon felt she was talking to the old James.  The one who remembered. He was smiling at her and gesturing her to come closer and look at the pictures with him.  Devon felt as if there was no accident that erased her from the guy he loved most.

Devon was watching James, when she noticed that he was no longer laughing. He was  looking intently at a group photo and he gently touched it. 

“I remember her,” James thought aloud. “That’s Allie.”

Devon felt she was doused with cold water upon hearing that name.  Allie, Devon thought as she looked at the chinita beauty who was smiling at the photo along with James, Bren and Ryan.

“I know her,” James said intently. 

He was not talking to Devon but rather to himself. He closed his eyes and he remembered Allie’s smile, both of them going to college, going to Tagaytay.  Images flashed in his mind, he saw both of them in a fancy restaurant talking about their future.  He saw his own hand holding a ring and Allie exclaiming in delight.

He opened his eyes and looked at Devon incredulously.  Was Devon lying to her all the time, he thought.  Devon felt cold when she saw James looking at her. 

“We were engaged.  Allie and I were engaged,” James said in disbelief.  “How could you say that I am engaged to you, when it was me and Allie who was supposed to get married?”

Devon opened her mouth.  He remembered her, Devon thought in panic.  She was unable to answer and she felt her heart skipped a beat. James got unto his feet and threw the photo album on the bed. He was pacing around the room angrily.  D a m n this, d a m n this, James said angrily.

“You lied,” James accused Devon.

Devon stood up and faced James. “No, I didn’t.”

James looked at her and saw that she was on the verge of tears but courageously fighting them.

Devon continued, “Yes, it’s true, you were going to get married. But you didn’t. You called the wedding off.”

James’s mouth opened in disbelief.  “How could I possibly do that to her?” James exclaimed.  “She’s a great girl. I lo--, ” James did not finish what he has to say and instead looked at Devon

Devon doesn’t know where to start. It was so difficult to explain.  But what hurt her was James telling her how great Allie is. 

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you after eating,” Devon said and turned around.  She went downstairs in the kitchen and started to cook.  She needs time to get things together.  She needs time to fix herself.

James was still restless even after Devon left the room. I need to talk to her, James thought.  I need to hear what she has to say. James grabbed the cordless phone in his room and looked at his drawers for old organizers.  He was able to find one and looked at the list of numbers written there. He found what he was looking for and quickly dialled.

It took four rings before somebody answered the other line.  

”Hello,” answered a familiar female voice on the end of the line.

“Is this you, Allie?” James asked.

There was a long pause, he thought that she was no longer there. “Yes, James. It’s me.”

James smiled and said, “I need to talk to you. I need to see you.”

“Why, James? I heard about the accident. I seriously want to visit you, but my hands are full right now,” Allie explained.

“I’m confused right now, I know you could help me,” James pleaded. “Please, can we meet?”

James was looking at the picture he saw earlier.  He was hoping that she would agree. Nobody was speaking on the other end until Allie answered, “Okay.”  James smiled and said thanks.  “I’ll call you when we can meet. I have to make some arrangements with my schedule,” Allie answered.

James said yes and goodbye to her. He placed the phone down and sat on the bed.  He did not notice the girl who was listening the entire time outside his room.

Devon heard everything.  They are planning to meet, Devon whispered to herself.  She touched her chest and closed her eyes.  She was about to check on James and remind him of his medicine when she overheard his call.  She could not take her feet of the place. She wanted to run away and towards him at the same time. Instead, she was glued on her spot.

She went down the stairs and into the kitchen.  Numb and hurt.  Devon cooked sinigang, James’s favourite, with the hope of helping James remember the numerous times she cooked the dish for him.  She stirred the broth and thought that it was the smoke from the pot which was making her eyes misty. Silly, Devon said to herself. You’re crying.

The house help went inside the kitchen and asked if she would call James for lunch. Devon wiped her tears and nodded.

“Tell him, we’re having lunch already,”  Devon said quietly.  Everything will be alright, he’s just confused¸ Devon comforted herself.

She was setting the table when James finally arrived in the dining room. Devon could not help notice his smile when he saw the sinigang.  See, Devon thought. Look how happy he is, maybe he’ll remember.

James sat down on the table and started sipping on the broth. He smiled and looked at Devon, “Thank you for cooking this.”

“It’s your favourite,” Devon answered.   She noticed the intense look in James face while eating.  “It doesn’t taste good?”

“No, just a bit salty,” James said casually. “But it’s good.  I remember when Allie and I ate at this Filipino restaurant, the sinigang there is really nice.”

Devon looked at James.  He was wolfing down his food, he did not notice the last statement he said.  He referred to Allie. Devon looked down on her plate.  He remembered her, not me, Devon thought sadly.  She wanted to ask James, why her? Do you still love her, all this time you said you love me. Was it still her?  I thought he would remember me. I guess Bren was wrong.

James saw Devon looking so sad, “No it’s okay. It tastes just fine. What did you use anyway? Salt or fish sauce? Oh never mind.”  

My tears, Devon wanted to answer back.

Chances (Chapter Four)

IV. Still Home

The present…

James was in a taxi on his way home.  After almost a week in the hospital, the doctor finally allowed him to go home, under strict instructions that he must not participate in physical activities.  His father was supposed to take him home, but unfortunately, he has an emergency in his restaurant and has to go to attend to his business.

James glanced at the pretty girl sitting beside him inside the taxi. Her name is Devon, she told him.  She was his fiancés, well that was what she and the others told him.  But no matter how much he tried to remember her, he could not.  How can you possibly forget somebody you’re in love with, James asked himself.  Well, that could happen scientifically, just like what happened to him

Darn this amnesia, James though angrily.  The whole week was a complete torture to him. Workmates from the advertising company where he is a department head, visited him.  But not everybody is a familiar face.  He was clenching his fist tightly because of the frustration and Devon noticed it.

She touched his fist and asked, “Is there something wrong?”

James drew his hand away from hers and shook his head.  He looked outside the window again and refusing to talk to her.

Devon sighed.  The week was a difficult for her.  She was patient with James trying to feed him with information everyday, like their anniversary, how they celebrated the last one, their last movie date and their last conversation.  But James was hesitant.  She feels that he does not trust her.   She has been fighting the tears the entire week.  It was difficult for her. But she knew that it is far more difficult for him.  She must be patient. 

The taxi stopped in front of the white big house.  Devon assisted James in getting off the taxi, while the househelp carried his bags inside the house.  James shook Devon’s hand from his arm and said softly, “I can manage.  I know my way around this house.”

Devon smiled and let James walk towards the gate.  At least, with him at home, the memories can come back soon.  She saw James stop in the middle of the gate and touched the metal rails.

“What’s the matter,” Devon asked.

“This gate used to be in wood.” James closed his eyes and continued, “But the last typhoon caused some damage and Dad has to change it. Right?”

Devon smiled and nodded. “Yes, it just happened a couple of months ago.”  She tried to contain her excitement, he just remembered something from the recent events.  She saw James close his eyes, as if he is trying to recall something. 

After concentrating, James opened his eyes again and whispered angrily, “I can’t remember anything anymore.”

Devon touched his arm and assured him, “The doctor said it will take time. Don’t pressure yourself  too much.” James showed no emotions or any sign of appreciating Devon’s kind words.  He just walked inside the house.

***

Devon was inside the apartment she shared with Freya and Yen.  The three of them started as housemates during college and they remained friends ever since.  She left James’s home a few minutes ago and she is not feeling well.

After settling in the house and making James comfortable.  He casually dismissed her, telling her that she could go home.  Devon tried to argue saying that she could stay until his father arrives.  But James was insistent, telling her that she should rest and that he also wants to rest. 

Devon could not do anything. One thing that amnesia didn’t change is James’s stubbornness and being insistent.  She left his home with the promise of returning the next day. 

It was stressful, her one week work leave has ended and she has to balance work and taking care of a fiancé who cannot remember her.  A glass of ice cold tea was placed in front of her by Bren.  She smiled and thanked James’s friend. 

Devon was not the only one who became happy when James and her got together. He friend Freya met Bren, and they were going steady for almost a year.  Tonight, Bren visited to check on the girls and listen to Devon’s problems.

“How is he?” Bren asked.  Freya sat beside him and listened.

“He’s fine,” Devon said after taking a sip.  “He remembered something. He remembered that there used to be a front wooden gate at his house.” 

Bren chuckled. Freya slapped his hand and threw him a look, “It’s not something to laugh about.”

Bren looked apologetically at Devon but Devon just shrugged it off. “It’s okay. I’m looking at the positive side, he remembered something which happened more than two months ago. It won’t be long before he remembers about us, right?”

Freya sat beside her friend and assured her, “Of course, we know how much that jerk loves you.  After all, you’ve been through, he’s bound to remember something.”

“I think I’ve read or watched something about this,” Bren suggested. “To help a person remember something, the family or the wife would usually bring him to places that’s significant to him or bring items which he could associate to something.”

Devon listened to Bren carefully.  “So you think I should bring him to our memorable places so he could remember us?”

“Why not,” Bren answered.  “At least, give it a try.”

Devon pondered on Bren’s suggestion. There’s nothing to lose.  With James’s memory gone, could there be anything worse than that?

Chances (Chapter Three)

III. Coming Home

Nine years ago...

A seventeen year old good-looking boy can be seen walking lazily out of the airport.  The only flaw in his features would be his crossed eyebrows, expressing his displeasure.  His disposition is obviously not good, it could be from the fact that it is extremely hot in the Philippines compared to the weather from where it’s from?  Or perhaps he is trying to remember his frustrating conversation with his father before he hopped on the plane back to the Philippines.

“I don’t want to go there. I don’t know anybody there, aside from you,” he argued.

“Then it is the perfect time to meet your mother’s family,” his father reasoned out.

“But I don’t want to be there. Besides, I’m in the middle of my college applications,” he tried to insert his education as an issue in an attempt to sway his father’s decision.

“James, I told you,” his father answered quickly.  “You’ll get into any university here easily.  Any university here in the Philippines.”  His father reiterated the last part, because he knew James would insist on studying in Australia.

James’s mood is not improving, in fact it’s getting worse.  His father decided to set-up a business in the Philippines.  The old man thinks that this is a great opportunity for James to reconnect with his ancestry, after all, James is half-Filipino.  His father’s marriage with James’s Filipino mom was not perfect, which is why they ended up in a divorce.  But why do I have to stay in this friggin’ country just to know her and her other family, James whispered to himself angrily.

He crashed down on the lobby chairs trying to pass time.  His father would be picking him up.  He noticed that a lot of girls were glancing towards his direction and trying to catch his eye.  He overheard two girls whispering to each other trying to figure out if he’s an upcoming actor.  He smirked and shook his head.  Back in Australia he was just a normal guy, here he’s an actor material. He stood up when he saw a familiar  bluish black car stopping in front of the glass doors.

He was welcomed in a big hug by  his father.  James smiled, the only good thing with staying in the Philippines would be being close to his father again.  They have a very close bond between them. Well, at least I have something to look forward to,  James assured himself.

***

On the other side of the airport, the one for domestic flights, a petite and morena girl was anxiously pulling her luggage.  It’s not only her soft facial features, pointed nose and curved lips, making her stand-out. It’s the fact that she stood still in the middle of the lobby, uncertain where to go.

It’s Devon’s first time in Manila, alone. Her aunt was supposed to pick her up.  She clutched on her bag tightly and kept on glancing on the old phone she’s holding.  It was a blessing that she was able to have this chance.  She smiled when she recalled receiving the entrance examination results from a prestigious university in Manila along with her acceptance in the university’s scholarship program. 

At first, she was hesitant in continuing her education in Manila. It would be too expensive.  But her aunt was able to come up with a solution.  While studying, Devon could stay with her, in the house where her aunt is working as house help.  In return, Devon must contribute or help in the household chores.  Devon doesn’t mind working while studying. In fact, she was a working student in her last two years in high-school. 

She was trying to hide her laughter when she remembered her family when she left Cebu earlier.  Her parents were bawling, acting as if she would be going somewhere in the Middle East.  Her sisters where obviously embarrassed by their parents antics, that they pulled Devon away and pretended that they don’t know their mother and father.

I miss them, already, Devon sighed.  What they lack financially is compensated with the closeness in their family. 

Devon saw a familiar figure near the guard, she was waving her hands crazily and calling out Devon’s name.  It was her Tita Aiz.  Devon walked towards her and whispered to herself, everything for my family.

***

James was sleepily watching the buildings, as their car passed by them.  he was wondering how long he would stay in Manila. His father broke the silence.

“How was your Laura and the rest,” asked his Mr. Peid.

“She’s fine,” James answered. “So are the others.”  His father sensed his son’s boredom.

“There’s a lot of guys who live in the village who are in the same age as you,” his father eagerly said. “You’ll have no problems with making friends.”

James smiled, “Naw.  I’m not that friendly. Let’s see.”

Mr. Peid looked at James and shook his head.  His son just acts so unaffected sometimes, that he, James’s father , would ask if his son is a robot.   He manuevered his car into a village.  James looked at the houses.  This is a posh place, he said to himself. Oh well.

Mr. Peid stopped in a front of a big white house with a modern wood gate in front.  James recognized the place, his father had this house since he was small.  Mr. Peid was honking the horn trying to get the attention of the househelp. 

James went our of  the car and tried to look around.  He was stretching his arms and legs, when he saw a tricycle pulling up in the house a few blocks away from them. an older woman, went out of the tricycle first, pulling out several bags. 

A pretty girl got off the tricycle.  She was nervously holding on to her bag. The middle-aged lady must have said something funny, because the girl was throwing her head backwards in laughter. 

Even in that distance, James could hear her laughter and there was something in it that captured him. He noticed how her smile lightened up her facial features.  What he did not notice that he was also smiling and that his father kept calling him to go inside the house.

He was brought back to reality when his father called him again, this time louder.  Imagine what a few seconds of her laughter did to him.  What would a full minute do? An hour? He shook his head and walked towards the big house.  James glanced towards the girls direction, but they were already inside. 

ampalaya moment

Bitter ba ako kung sasabihin ko na secretly nagwi-wish akong madapa, mabilaukan, mabagsakan ka ng kung anu-ano?

Bitter ba ako kung sasabihin kong isinusumpa ko kayo ng girlfriend mo?

Bitter ba ako kung halos isang taon na mula ng umalis kay kumukulo pa din ang dugo ko kapag nakikita ka?

Bitter ba ako kung parang gusto kitang upakan noong bigla kang nagpakita sa anak ko at umalis ka din kaagad ng wala pa kayong limang minutong magkasama?

Bitter ba ako kung gusto kong ipa-hunting ka sa mga alipores ko matapos tanungin ako ng anak ko ng "asan ang tatay ko" pagkatapos ang 5-minute visit mo?

Kung oo, sige bitter na ako. Wala akong pakialam kung ako ang magiging pinakamapait na ampalaya sa mundo kung yan ang dahilan ng pagiging ampalaya ko.

Nakakatawa na isang taon matapos kang umalis, piliin ang buhay binata at sabihin na ako ang nagtulak sayo para lumayo; ay ako pa din naman pala ang sinisisi mo. Wala pang isang taon pero nagawa mong makahanap ng iba, makabuntis at ngayon ay dalawa na ang panganay mo.

Hindi madali ang recovery, kahit saang larangan o konteksto mo siya ilapat. Para ka ulit nagsimula sa pinaka-umpisa.  Positibo din naman ang recovery, dahil natuto ka at nagbabawi mula sa sandaling pagkabansot.  Pero ang dali mo naman atang naka-recover. Dahil dalawang buwan matapos nating lagyan ng comma (take note, hindi period, dahil ang usapan natin ay pipilitin nating maayos ang lahat) ang relasyon natin, naglimlim ka na kaagad sa ibang pugad.

Ang masakit pa nito, kinalimutan mo na din ata ang maging ama. Okaylang kung kalimutan mo ang pagiging asawa,tutal hind na naman tayo nagsasama. Pero ang kalimutan mo ang pagiging tatay mo at iwanan sa ere ang anak ko, ibang usapan yan. Pero tulad ng sinabi ko sayo dati. Hindi ko siya tuturuan na magalit sayo. Hahayaan kong madiskubre niya ang mga bagay-bagay sa sarili niya. Pero hindi ko din naman itatago sa kanya ang totoo.

Sinabihan na kita dati, wag mong kalimutan ang pagiging ama. Kilala kita, alam kong sa panahon na nandyan na ang pangalawa mong panganay mawawalan ka na panahon sa anak ko. Ngayon na nanganak na ang girlfriend mo, paano naman ang anak ko? Paano ko sasagutin ang mga tanong niya? Ngayon pa naman na marunong na siyang magtanong ng bakit.

Minsan hindi ko lang mapigilang magalit sa mundo, sa lipunan, at sa kulturang patriyarkal. Sa dulo, matapos ang lahat ng hinanakit at sama ng loob, pati na rin ang hindi maubos-ubos na mga sana, naisip ko na lang din na hindi ko din naman lubusang sisihin ang sarili at sige na nga, kahit ikaw.

Ang mga personal nating tunggalian ay pinagigting lamang din ang mga kultural na problema.  Pero hindi din naman tamang sabihin na ang kultura ang nag-iisang salarin sa nasisirang pagsasama.  Dahil sa panahong lumubog ang araw at tayo na lamang ang nasa loob ng kwarto, ang sarili pa rin ang magpapasiya.

Naalala ko tuloy yung sabing isang kaibigan, noong tinanong ko siya kung bitter ba ako.

“Hindi ka isang ampalaya. Bahagi yan ng growing-up. Dapat magpasalamat ka kasi naggo-grow ka pa. Atsaka digital na ngayon ang karma,” wika niya sa pagitan ng mga hithit- buga sa sigarilyo.

At naniwala ako sa kanya, hindi sa puntong digital ang karma, kundi dahil sa tingin ko’y isa akong puno ng saging na unti-unting sumusuloy. Kung sakali mang magkaroon ng bunga, hindi ko na kailangang ikalburo, dahil mataba ang lupang kinatatayuan ko.  Sigurado akong matamis ang bunga, hindi na at hindi ako magiging isang ampalaya. 

Chances (Chapter 2)

II.  Grief

How Devon managed to reach the hospital was a mystery for her.  She was numb all throughout the taxi ride.  She was fervently praying and calling all the saints to hear her pleas.  The taxi driver noticed how upset she was and offered few kind words to calm her. She tried to control her emotions for the sake of the worried taxi driver.  She tried to smile and say she’s alright, but inside was a riot of emotions.  She’s so worried that she almost forgot to pay the kind taxi driver.

Mr. Pied was already at the hospital when she arrived.  They hugged tightly and tried to hang unto each for support.  Mr. Pied looked as if he cried.  Who wouldn’t when you are standing near the emergency lobby, with wounded bodies passing them by.  They kept on wishing that somehow, James would not look so devastated as the other patients.

Devon was sitting on the lobby chairs, waiting for the doctor who was in charge of James’s care.  She was stricken that she was unable to notice the arrival of her friends.  A hand touched her shoulder and she saw her friends Freya and Yen.  James’s friends Bren and Ryan were behind them. 

She opened her mouth to try to explain what happened, but no voice came out.  She choked and tears started to fall. Freya and Yen hugged their friend dearly, while Bren and Ryan looked on. My James, my James, she kept saying with each word breaking her heart more. 

They heard footsteps and saw Mr. Peid with the attending doctor. 

The doctor started to explain the condition, “James suffered from a severe trauma in the head.  He was thrown forward and hit the windshield very hard.  There’s an internal hemmorage or bleeding in the head, but we were able attend to that.  We already sent him to the recovery room where he will be monitored for a while.  Once his signs are stable, he could be moved to his room.”

Devon found her voice and asked,  “Is he going to be alright?”

The doctor smiled and offered her assurance. “Currently, he is doing fine.  But I suggest that several tests be administered just to make sure that there are no serious brain problems.”

Devon squeezed Freya’s hand on the last word that the doctor said. Brain problems, so it’s not over yet.  Mr. Peid saw Devon’s worried face and he held her hand. 

“He’s gonna be okay,” Mr. Peid assured her.  “He got us to take care of him.”

Devon nodded and thanked Mr. Peid.  He is right, Devon thought. I’ll be there for James,no matter what it takes. She looked at the engangement ring in her finger.  No matter what it takes.  

***

When James was taken to the room, he was still asleep.  The doctor said that it would take a while before he wakes up.  Devon looked at James’s bandaged head.  His face and arms were covered with shallow scratches. 

Devon asked for a leave from work so she would be able to devote time in taking care of James.  Mr. Peid is more than happy to have her around to take care of his son.  He knows how much Devon loves his son.

It was late in the evening when James started to mumble in his sleep.  Devon squeezed his hand, whispering into his ear, saying that everything’s okay and she’s there.  Early the next day, he woke up and asked for a glass of water.  Devon let him sip from a straw and then he went back to sleep.  That moment pacified Devon’s emotions.  At last, he’s awake.  Even if he keeps on drifting back to sleep, they know he’s going to wake up any time soon. 

It was Saturday and Freya, Yen, Bren and Ryan was there in the hospital. 

“When is he going to wake up, this is the third day,” Ryan said frustratedly.

Bren tried to explain, “He was already awake a few times.”

“I know, but he just kept on asking for water and going back to sleep,” answered Ryan.

“The doctor said the drug could wear off today,” Devon answered. 

And as if the gods were listening,  James shifted and opened his eyes.  Freya and Yen excitedly called Mr. Peid who was having a conversation with the stationed nurse outside.  He rushed inside and saw a smiling James.

“Hi,” James smiled towards his father.  But he kept his eyes averted from the woman sitting beside her.

Mr. Peid smiled and sat on foot of his son’s bed. James glanced towards Bren and Ryan, his college buddies and did a little wave. They walked towards him and clasped his hand.

“Welcome back, James,”  Bren said. 

“Oh my god,” Ryan exclaimed. “You have no idea, how bad you look.”

James gave a weak smile and looked at the girl who was sitting beside him.  She was teary-eyed and smiling at him.  James’s forehead creased and took a look at the two girls who were standing beside the one who’s sitting.

James glanced at his father who was obviously waiting for James to react.  But the only thing that James could say to the girl was, “Do I know you?”

***

Do I know you, Devon was biting her lower lip and she kept pacing outside the room.  Freya and Yen have left already.  But they kept assuring her before they left.

“He’s just in shock,” assured Yen.  “He’ll remember you.  It’s impossible to forget your own fiancee.”

Freya nodded and tried to stop her friend from crying. “Devon you’re a strong woman. You can get through this.  This is just a temporary thing.”

I wish what they say is true, murmured Devon.  Mr. Peid and the doctor is still inside with James. They called the doctor immediately after realizing that James don’t remember much after the accident.  He can’t even remember where he came from that day. 

Devon overhears the series of question the doctor was asking James, about his address, his work, his parents names.  She sat down on the chairs outside the room and bit on her fingers. She does that when she’s nervous.  She heard the door opening and closing. Mr Peid and the doctor went out of the room to talk to her.

“Well, I think he’s suffering from what we call retrograde amnesia. In this case, the person would have problems remembering things that happened before the accident,” explained the doctor.

“When would he recover his memory?” asked Devon.

“We cannot say.  There are cases when the patient gets to recover very quickly, but ‘v there are also cases when it would take years before a patient recovers.”

“Years?” exclaimed Devon.  “But he remembered his farther and his friends. Why can’t he remember me?”

The doctor tried to explain gently, “A patient does not have to forget everything when he has amnesia. In his case, it seems that he was unable to recall things that happened a few years back.  I think that his friends were with him everysince college, so that is why he remembered them.”

“To help him regain his memory, family and friends need to be with him.  This could be very frustrating for the patientm so what he needs is support,” continued the doctor.

“James needs to undergo several tests, I’m signing him up for a CT and MRI scan.  I need to know if there are any damage caused in his brain  to fully diagnose this as amnesia. But other than that, physically he is recovering just fine.”  He started giving Mr.Peid and a nurse the instructions for the test.

Devon looked inside the room and saw James talking to his friends. He was smiling at Ryan’s antics.  Ryan never failed to make him laugh.  I make him laugh too, Devon whispered to herself.

James glanced at the door and he saw her looking at her.  Devon flashed her warm smile and waved.  He just looked at her.  Looked at her as if he does not know her.  He took his gaze back at his friends. 

Devon’s hand fell to her side and she closed her eyes. 

How painful could it be that the person you’re waiting and praying for, would be completely ignorant of your existance?  Dismiss you casually as if you never shared the same soul?

Devon glanced at the engagement ring on her finger.  She would help James remember. I would love and be with him, no matter what.